Here's a snapshot of how my typical mornings have been since the start of the new year: wake up around 11 (I'm lazy, I know), butt around for a while, make breakfast (maybe), butt around some more, study/get some work done (maybe), and then head to class around 2:30 or 3:00. My weekends start on Thursdays at 5:00pm and don't end until Mondays at 2:30pm. My school schedule is THE easiest I have ever had, and I'm not sure that's a good thing.
The Spring 2015 graduation schedule was released, and yes, I had been checking multiple times a day for at least two weeks leading up to it. I'll be crossing the stage at 1:30pm on Thursday, May 21st.
This all sounds great, right? I'm finally graduating! I'll finally have the incredibly expensive yet somehow valuable piece of paper that will signal to future employers that, yup, I have a Bachelor's degree. I'll finally have that coveted diploma and I'll be outta here.
But that's not the way it's unfolding in my head. Because I have SO much time on my hands (I've been stalling on actually implementing a real schedule in my life), I feel that I have more time and energy than most to fixate on the fact that I'm graduating and I have NO idea what comes next.
Part of me is elated, excited, and impatient for the day to come. For four years, I've worked pretty darn hard, and that symbolic moment of crossing the stage and receiving my diploma is something that is very important to me. It symbolizes the end of the first period of real independence in my life and my transition into adulthood. It stands for the responsibility I've taken over my life during the past four years, in the form of deciding what major to declare, of ensuring I fulfilled all of my requirements, and of pursuing educational opportunities that would enrich my undergraduate experience. It also symbolizes my parents' investment in ME and their belief that I was worth a ridiculous amount of money to be educated at a pretty decent institution. It stands for the end of a time filled with some of my best and worst memories with some of the best people I've ever met. It signifies stepping into the "real world" (if I don't do more school).
But the other part of me is terrified. Four years is a LONG time, but I feel like I just got comfortable, you know? I just got used to the routine of university life, of living on my own and of being a responsible human being. I'm sure many graduates know this feeling of not knowing who they are without school. I've spent most of my life equating my worth with my intelligence, so when school suddenly isn't in the picture, I'm not quite sure what to do. On that note, if I'm rejected from grad school, then the blow my self-esteem will receive is going to be pretty big. And it's not like I expect to be accepted or anything...I just see my value in being seen as smart? Even I get confused about that sometimes, but that's how I am. It's just scary; I've had pretty much everything in my life so far go my way, but I know there are zero guarantees from this point forward, and that's a scary realization when you know being accepted to grad school, or not, will have a fairly significant impact on your life (at least that's how I see it). It's not like getting into grad school is my only option, it's just the only plan I've made so far. It seems as though I haven't learned from the "don't put all your eggs in one basket" thing, because I did the same thing when applying to universities as I'm doing with grad school - only applying to one. I guess we'll see how this one turns out, hey?
The thing is, I know everything is going to be okay. I know I'll figure things out when push comes to shove. But isn't the thought of hanging in the balance kind of scary? I suppose everyone experiences this at one point or another. Part of the problem is that I have way too much time on my hands; I swear I'm making the decision of whether to intern or not soon! These little crises only sometimes happen, I promise.
I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine.
Deep breaths.
Aaaand action!
Saturday, 24 January 2015
Sunday, 18 January 2015
Forecast for 2015
A new year means a whole lot of new adventures on the horizon! 2014 was an exciting year for me. I had some adventures that I didn't get the chance to blog about (ie. South Africa), but you can check out the field school's collective blog here! I contributed a number of pieces to the collective blog, but I can assure you that I have many thoughts on everything that occurred in South Africa...maybe I'll have to retrospectively write about my time there one day, but unfortunately I just don't have the time right now with a new school term starting!
This year, I have some very big life events unfolding that I can't contain my excitement about.
FIRST, my sister is getting married! She and her now-fiancé Drew had gone on vacation approximately a year ago to Kauai, Hawaii, and came back engaged! The wedding will take place in Hanalai Bay, Kauai on March 19th and I'm so excited to be able to celebrate this major milestone in my sister's life! I've been so close with my sister ever since I was young, and even though there is a significant age gap between us, she has always been a source of major support for me. I remember when I was young and she was going to school in Edmonton; I would write letters to her all.the.time. So cute. It's crazy to think that years later, we're attending the same university (she's just finishing up her PhD in neuroscience at UBC) and about to graduate in the same year. I am so proud of her and her accomplishments in research and there is nobody else who deserves happiness more than her!
Of course, I'm also excited to visit Hawaii for the first time. I've never actually been that interested in going to vacation destinations like Hawaii or Mexico, but Tiff has raved about Kauai and how peaceful and quiet it is compared to the other islands that I'm sure I'll soon be raving about it as well. Megan is coming along, which is also fun! I'm just looking forward to spending a week-ish with family in a beautiful place and to celebrate Tiff and Drew's relationship together. It should be fun!
SECOND, I'm graduating! Time is a weird thing, and I still can't quite wrap my head around it. It literally feels like I graduated from high school yesterday...there's no way that 4 years have gone by so quickly?! Yet, they have, and in a mere 3 months I will be finishing up the last papers and exams of my undergraduate degree, probably unaware of how major of an event it is until I'm walking across the stage. It's kind of bittersweet when I think about it. For four years I've learned about myself and grew as a person into whatever I am right now. But in all seriousness, when I look back, it's amazing to see how much I've really changed. When I first came to UBC, I had no idea what I was going to do with my life, no direction whatsoever. I did the usual thing that first years do: dabbled in a variety of subjects until I found the one that really made me go "hey...I could do this for a living". And when I did, it was like a wildfire. When I found out about IR, I immediately went into research mode, looking up what courses were mandatory, what GPA I needed to have a good chance of being accepted into the major, and perhaps what I thought most importantly, what I could do with an IR degree when I graduate. Looking back, it seems almost trivial, but I'm glad I worked as hard as I did not only to get into IR, but to keep my grades up and look forward into the future. Looking back at my entire undergraduate degree, I don't think I would have wanted to do it any other way. I've freaked out about language credits, but found a way to travel AND earn credits for French (looking at you, Nova Scotia!). I've glossed over a call for applications to travel to South Africa with a field school at UVic, forgotten about it, and then randomly found it again in my email, which then prompted me to apply, be accepted, and then travel with the best group of people to a country that has stolen my heart. I realize that I've had a blast while working extremely hard because I'm on the path to doing something I love. Of course there are things that I wish I could have done, like go on exchange to England and be more involved on campus, but at the end of the day, I'm really happy and proud of my time at UBC. Here's to continuing to look forward and to push on with little fear of the unknown.
THIRD, I'm heading off to Europe for 2 months with Megan in June! It's a trip that has been in our minds for a very long time, but we are excited that it will soon become a reality. Backpacking Europe has been on my bucket list for a long time, and I never thought I'd get the chance to do it so soon. But the timing is perfect; I'll be taking the summer off to gallivant around with Meg, which is right after my graduation ceremony and, if accepted, right before I start grad school in September. The plan, by country, is as follows: Glasgow, Edinburgh, London, Brighton, Amsterdam, Berlin, Prague, Venice, Rome, Lisbon, Barcelona, and Paris. It breaks our hearts that we cannot spend more time in each country, exploring everything each has to offer, but we see that as a reason to earmark Europe for a future return! I'm very excited to return to some places I've already been to, but didn't get to explore thoroughly enough, and to go to new and exciting places I've never been. The best part is that I get to do this with my best friend, partner in crime, and probably the most well-suited travel companion for me. It's going to be a whirlwind of activity, and I can guarantee that we're going to get lost A LOT (spoiler alert, I'm terrible with directions), but that's part of the adventure, no? So, unlike my failure to blog about South Africa (I swear I will do it some day) and likely Hawaii (that'll be more of a vacation, we will be as unplugged as possible!), I promise that there will be regular posts on here while we're in Europe because we want to try and document our trip (and communicate with our families and friends) in the best ways possible.
Until then!
This year, I have some very big life events unfolding that I can't contain my excitement about.
FIRST, my sister is getting married! She and her now-fiancé Drew had gone on vacation approximately a year ago to Kauai, Hawaii, and came back engaged! The wedding will take place in Hanalai Bay, Kauai on March 19th and I'm so excited to be able to celebrate this major milestone in my sister's life! I've been so close with my sister ever since I was young, and even though there is a significant age gap between us, she has always been a source of major support for me. I remember when I was young and she was going to school in Edmonton; I would write letters to her all.the.time. So cute. It's crazy to think that years later, we're attending the same university (she's just finishing up her PhD in neuroscience at UBC) and about to graduate in the same year. I am so proud of her and her accomplishments in research and there is nobody else who deserves happiness more than her!
Of course, I'm also excited to visit Hawaii for the first time. I've never actually been that interested in going to vacation destinations like Hawaii or Mexico, but Tiff has raved about Kauai and how peaceful and quiet it is compared to the other islands that I'm sure I'll soon be raving about it as well. Megan is coming along, which is also fun! I'm just looking forward to spending a week-ish with family in a beautiful place and to celebrate Tiff and Drew's relationship together. It should be fun!
SECOND, I'm graduating! Time is a weird thing, and I still can't quite wrap my head around it. It literally feels like I graduated from high school yesterday...there's no way that 4 years have gone by so quickly?! Yet, they have, and in a mere 3 months I will be finishing up the last papers and exams of my undergraduate degree, probably unaware of how major of an event it is until I'm walking across the stage. It's kind of bittersweet when I think about it. For four years I've learned about myself and grew as a person into whatever I am right now. But in all seriousness, when I look back, it's amazing to see how much I've really changed. When I first came to UBC, I had no idea what I was going to do with my life, no direction whatsoever. I did the usual thing that first years do: dabbled in a variety of subjects until I found the one that really made me go "hey...I could do this for a living". And when I did, it was like a wildfire. When I found out about IR, I immediately went into research mode, looking up what courses were mandatory, what GPA I needed to have a good chance of being accepted into the major, and perhaps what I thought most importantly, what I could do with an IR degree when I graduate. Looking back, it seems almost trivial, but I'm glad I worked as hard as I did not only to get into IR, but to keep my grades up and look forward into the future. Looking back at my entire undergraduate degree, I don't think I would have wanted to do it any other way. I've freaked out about language credits, but found a way to travel AND earn credits for French (looking at you, Nova Scotia!). I've glossed over a call for applications to travel to South Africa with a field school at UVic, forgotten about it, and then randomly found it again in my email, which then prompted me to apply, be accepted, and then travel with the best group of people to a country that has stolen my heart. I realize that I've had a blast while working extremely hard because I'm on the path to doing something I love. Of course there are things that I wish I could have done, like go on exchange to England and be more involved on campus, but at the end of the day, I'm really happy and proud of my time at UBC. Here's to continuing to look forward and to push on with little fear of the unknown.
THIRD, I'm heading off to Europe for 2 months with Megan in June! It's a trip that has been in our minds for a very long time, but we are excited that it will soon become a reality. Backpacking Europe has been on my bucket list for a long time, and I never thought I'd get the chance to do it so soon. But the timing is perfect; I'll be taking the summer off to gallivant around with Meg, which is right after my graduation ceremony and, if accepted, right before I start grad school in September. The plan, by country, is as follows: Glasgow, Edinburgh, London, Brighton, Amsterdam, Berlin, Prague, Venice, Rome, Lisbon, Barcelona, and Paris. It breaks our hearts that we cannot spend more time in each country, exploring everything each has to offer, but we see that as a reason to earmark Europe for a future return! I'm very excited to return to some places I've already been to, but didn't get to explore thoroughly enough, and to go to new and exciting places I've never been. The best part is that I get to do this with my best friend, partner in crime, and probably the most well-suited travel companion for me. It's going to be a whirlwind of activity, and I can guarantee that we're going to get lost A LOT (spoiler alert, I'm terrible with directions), but that's part of the adventure, no? So, unlike my failure to blog about South Africa (I swear I will do it some day) and likely Hawaii (that'll be more of a vacation, we will be as unplugged as possible!), I promise that there will be regular posts on here while we're in Europe because we want to try and document our trip (and communicate with our families and friends) in the best ways possible.
Until then!
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